these thoughts of a lunatic

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It is one of those days where I have nothing witty & humorous to write about. One of those days that I awaken feeling disoriented, in a haze, wishing for sleep that never comes.

Do you ever question reality? I mean, really question it?

Is this a dream. Am I still dreaming. Can this be felt. Is this real. What is real. Truth. Lies.

Sometimes it all gets so mixed, blurred together, that I have no idea what is going on. And I just can’t seem to step on to that moving train. The fundamental ‘rules’ of life just do not apply — or rather, they are of no valuable help. Because at times, there are no rules. No equations to solve. It is not simply ‘here or there.’ No up or down. No this or that. Nothing is as it seems. Everything is as it seems.

I spent most of my life living in that grey area. The area little known to most. It is a space reserved for the strangeΒ  – the questioners – the often referred to as ‘crazies.’ I could be seen, heard, touched, loved in the physical sense .. but mentally I was miles and miles away. I understood almost nothing mundane. Well, maybe I understood it … I just didn’t understand the why of it all.

And because of this confusion- disconnect- lust for something more, I pressed the Esc button a lot. Used many things to help avoid these mundane feelings at whatever cost. I did not want to feel. There was too much pain involved. The abuse, neglect, teasing & taunting was all so much to bear. And there was no one on this Earth that would or could understand.

Such is the life of someone who thinks too much.

14 thoughts on “these thoughts of a lunatic

  1. i *Like*d this post because apparently I’m feeling almost the same minus the questions on reality. I can so relate to this —-> “……I was often called a β€˜liar’ when in….”

  2. Sometimes I think about what’s real and what’s not too much, and I always end up poking tables and chairs to make sure they still exist as solid, non-moving entities. So far so good. Loved the article! πŸ™‚

  3. Quoth the raven, nevermore! Ha! Props for quoting one of my favorite poems!

    Seriously, though, this was a great post. I saw your Freshly Pressed one and had to see what else you’d writen.

  4. Your delightful way of communicating your “lunacy” is engaging and infectious. Your post makes me laugh, cry, think, blush, empathize, and feel happy. I still struggle with the question of reality and I have lived practically twice as long as you.Keep it going!

  5. Pingback: One Year of Loony « Thoughts of a Lunatic


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