good morning, i burnt my crotch

Don’t worry, this will be as painful as you think.

It all started out so innocently.

It all started out so innocently.

I have a track record for mild domestic destruction. I have set lit candles underneath curtains and caught them on fire; I have let water boil over in the tea kettle for so long that the kettle melted onto itself and the burner; I have melted a designer purse after setting it on a hot burner; I have forgotten about bread sticks in the oven and turned them into crisps; I have tried baking bacon in the oven and ended up starting an oven grease fire. Yes, I have made some mistakes when it comes to domesticity … but dammit, I still try!

Last night, I was boiling chicken breasts so that I would have something to dip into my beloved hot wing sauce (diet? what diet??). The water was bubbling and the chicken was cooking. All was well in the world. An hour or so later, I decide that the chicken is done and proceed to carry the pot to the sink to dump out the scalding hot water. It is then that I decide, for some unknown reason, to pour the water toward me rather than away. The water misses the sink completely and comes tumbling down onto my legs. It takes a good 20 or so seconds before I realize that my leggings are melting onto my skin. I drop the pan and run into my room, trying desperately to un-peel the pants. I strip. Damage done. My crotch and thighs were red messes that have now turned into blisters. Yes, crotch blisters are as painful as they sound.

Because I live with others, walking around naked is out of the question. I am left with no choice but to wear clothing that scratches against the raw bumps and be reminded at just how effing stupid I am. I just wanted to say good morning to y’all, and that I hope your day starts out better than mine. Like I said in a previous post, I make the bad decisions because of my dedication to helping you. So remember, pour hot water away from your body. That is all.

81 thoughts on “good morning, i burnt my crotch

  1. Pingback: Top 5 Most [useless] Popular New Year’s Resolutions | [thoughts of a lunatic]

  2. Oh dear. I hope the burn goes down! My theory is that nothing is ever undercooked when the smoke alarm is blaring. (I know that I probably woke people up this morning when I kept burning my toast – I went through three slices of toast before I got it right.) Oops! I’ll remember that, becauase I’m likely to do something like that. Oh wait, I have. I burnt my hair in the toaster a few years ago – freaked my mum out.

  3. oh good god!!!
    okay, words of advice, because we sound like we both may not be the most intelligent when it comes to shit like this…never EVER forget to wash your hands after handling a habanero pepper. no, not because you could get it in your eye, as hellish as that can be…but, because you may decide to go change your tampon at that point.

    that is all.
    you are welcome.

    and thank you for visiting my page and liking stuff. that was nice of you. 🙂

  4. Pingback: One Year of Loony « Thoughts of a Lunatic


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