one moment

One moment. That is all it takes to change the course of your life forever.

I have been buried in moments; choked and beaten into the darkest of depths.
touched, burned, tortured, abused, battered, bruised
I have had pieces of me, taken
Until there has been nothing left
but the smallest part of me, kept hidden, deep down
covered by
the face
the body
the movements
that will protect me
In a moment,
lost everything

And then there are moments
where someone,
a boy,
sends you a message
responds with the deep dark secrets that you thought were only reserved for yourself
and you meet this boy
despite the nerves
despite the fear
and upon first sight
are hypnotized

The boy pushes you
beyond your limits
beyond the walls you have so carefully constructed
and you lose your breath
because one moment,
you are safe,
and the next,
you are exposed
The boy offers everything you have ever wanted
to hear
to feel
to know
and you feel your walls
crashing down
and you are naked
in front of him
struggling to keep your head above water
no longer
you are breathing
and it terrifies you
because all you know
all you have known
was how to  fight

You lie on the floor
closing off
trying to breathe
trying to escape
trying to reconstruct what he has torn down
and you beg him to let you be
and you know that he will let you
because they all have before
When that side of you shows its face
you are always left
to fend for yourself

But that moment
in that moment
the boy does not leave you be
he wraps you up in his arms
lifts you to the sky
twirls you around
carries you to the bed
touches your body
kisses your lips
ties you up into safety
breathes words into you that are like the keys to your locks
and instead of doubt
you are filled with love
because he sees you
and he knows you
and he loves you
and all

One moment
you are you
the you that you pretended to be for so long,
that you actually started believing in
and the next moment
with this boy
you are the girl that no one hurt
buried deep inside
all along
was that little precious soul
that still believes in magic
in love
in peace
in life
in hope
and that moment
when he looks into your eyes
and curls into you
you begin to understand
the weight you have been carrying
and the burden
that you have been ignoring
all this time

I am changing
in this moment
this moment
as I look over to this boy
sitting across the room
the boy
that I know
loves me
I am becoming

This week has tested me
in more ways that I can express in this moment
But soon, I will write a proper post
and fill you all in
and as always
I ask for your gentle kindness
this week has tested me.

Thank you for all of the support
as I venture into territory
that is throwing me into a tailspin
of emotion

5 thoughts on “one moment


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